Vaguely Inappropriate (megathy) wrote,
Vaguely Inappropriate

Hi. I just tweeted this, but I thought I'd expand on it some.

Tried to explain my bouts with anxiety to someone and she just straight up did not get it.

So here we go, guys. You know that feeling when you realize you just nearly died in a car accident? Sometimes, I get that feeling for no reason.

And sometimes it's just lurking, waiting for something to happen so it seems like there's a reason, when really there's not. And sometimes I just sit there, heart pounding, waiting for it to pass.

It got really bad four weeks ago, bad enough that I would wake up in the middle of the night and cry. Bad enough that I would yell at my boyfriend for things that didn't matter a long time ago certainly didn't matter then. And then I would cry and apologize and tell him I didn't know what was wrong with me.

And he said maybe I should go to therapy. So I did. And now I am on medication. And I was doing better.

And then my boyfriend dumped me because my anxiety in the previous weeks had drained him. Which of course, aggravated my anxiety.

So that's my past week in a nut shell. I'm getting it under control again.

I am wishing, but not hopeful, that he will give me a chance to show him that that's not who I really am, that basically all of our problems have spun out of this thing inside me that I am learning to tame. That really what we have is good enough to not be killed by this.

And if he doesn't believe that, then I'm relatively certain that I was right when I thought that he didn't love me the way I loved him.
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